This being human

Notes on jealousy

When I was in my early 30s, one of my best friends of many years whom I used to spend a lot of time with got married in the peak of our friendship when we were traveling together and having fun being single (of course all the while both of us, longing for a relationship …

When you feel anything but love for someone you are supposed to love

Rumi says every feeling is a guest. To welcome it smiling.  I sometimes remember this when I feel hate or envy or resentment. I find it it easier to welcome these feelings when the person who theses feelings are directed towards is either myself or if someone else, they are not around me.  But what …

To post or not?

Why do I want to write and post publicly? I often have this ongoing struggle in my head.  There are two competing voices in my head. One says: write and post it. Share your heart and your journey and it doesn’t matter who reads it. Like that’s none of my business. My business is just …

The mean mind

I was just meditating. Recently started it, not regularly but I realize I really like it when I do it. I am using this guided meditation by Byron Katie called ‘you are supported’ or something like that.  One of the things that is different about it than other guided meditations I’ve tried is that while …

REGRET

This past weekend I was at a gathering and a scenario came up that has happened often in my life when I have mentioned that I don’t think I will be having children.  A friend who recently had a baby was there with her mom. This was the first time I was meeting this sweet …

I am willing to experience this — how to be with one’s own self

This morning I woke up with a whole army of thoughts. Going over a conversation with some friends. Feeling angry of why she said that. Feeling sad at why they think this way. Why do they have this kind of standards. As I was laying in bed, looking at my phone, another thought said I …

This feeling lonely

Journals from October 2018…. some really lonely days……. I wonder how many people at this instant feel lonely in the world. How does loneliness feel to them?  I have realized that at times although alone I don’t feel lonely. And those are the times I feel somehow connected to others or something. That my life …

Insecure or Confident?

I don’t know what age I was…maybe 18… maybe younger, when I heard phrases like “Confidence is the most important thing”, “Confidence is sexy”, “Confidence is the most attractive attribute of a woman” Whenever I had insecure thoughts in my head, which were not uncommon, especially when it came to how I looked, it would …

This being single

For the past 12 years or more, since my last relationship of almost 10 years ended, I thought I’d just meet someone and get married like every woman I know. And although secretly marriage and kids scared me but the idea of that woman who is 40, alone, unmarried, no kids, pitied and judged scared …