What is “not buying into it”?
I was having lunch with my boyfriend today, talking about blogging, podcasting, and just sharing publicly.
I was saying how I may write something or create a “potential podcast” (which I’ve been doing for over a year, but not actually publishing any) and then I keep thinking, “this is not good”, “it is too much”, ”it is not eloquent”, “you should only have a public presence about what you are certified in or considered an expert in”, “no one will listen or watch you”.
I was telling him that even when I share a story on instagram, if no one likes it or comments, I start to think maybe it wasn’t good. Maybe it was stupid to share it.
Mo is someone who has had a public, internet presence in some form or other since his 20s. From a blog on an exotic species of Lizards when he was in his 20s and was working in a pet shop, to his current blog, podcast and YouTube channel addressing physicians who want a different lifestyle. I see him create content without fussing about it. Without editing and re-editing. He publishes a video that gets two likes, but he also gets many people reaching out to him at times and tell him how one blog or video that may have even been published in the past has helped them.
It seems to me that he doesn’t really care what it looks like or how many people like it . He does it because he enjoys doing it. The outcome seems less important.
After listening to me, he asked me if there is even a small, tiny, 1% part of me, at some point that thinks what I am sharing is good or worthy or relevant or may help someone.
And my answer is well, yeah, some part of me, does think that. But can’t stand against the loud voice of the other side that says the opposite.
And of course, the same self-doubt is not just present when it comes to social media and public platforms, but in real life. The other night we were at dinner with some new friends from Spain and I was having a great time with them, telling them stories with my broken Spanish. Afterwards when me and Mo were walking home, I kept having this gnawing feeling of self-doubt and told him; I keep thinking maybe I talked too much and didn’t let you or others talk.
Did I think I talk too much when we were there with them? Not really. I was in the moment and enjoying myself. It is always after the fact that the doubts come.
Tom Compton says when you believe one thought, it is like that thought says to other thoughts of similar nature: “hey guys, she is primed and believing this, come, come!” And they all come pouring more. Giving you more evidence of why you were indeed bad or too much.
So, what is Mo’s advice? Just don’t buy into it. Don’t buy into what those thoughts say. If only even 1% of you thinks what you did, said or shared is good, then that’s it. You get to decide. And that part of you has spoken, so go by that.
This, for me, doesn’t mean that if I feel whatever I feel, I ignore it or bypass it, but it is like can I catch it at the level of the thought, when it hasn’t turned in to a feeling yet? Can I catch it when it is just a suggestion that my mind gives, and whispers “you are stupid and your content is stupid” and I just smile and move on because I know it is not true? Can I not buy into, not entertain, the naysayer part? Not even fight with it?
I don’t know. It seems at times impossible to me. But it is the only solution I hear over and over, whether from mindfulness teachings, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Tom Compton, and my boyfriend who this method is clearly working for.
Let’s see. Let’s see how I do next time the thoughts come, probably after I post this very blog.
What do you do? Do you hear self-doubting thoughts after posting something or even talking in a small gathering? Do you have a way that works for you to not get drowned in the negative self-talk? If so, let me know, either down in the comments or email me in the contact section. I’d love to know.